The right mindset to adopt to find love (without becoming a dating psycho)

1. Check your mindset: are you in balance or need?

Ask yourself this question honestly: when you send a message to someone you like, is it out of desire or need? The difference is subtle but crucial. Desire is light, playful. Need is that little inner voice that says "it MUST work".

When your mindset is in need, it shows. You send too many messages too fast. You over-analyze every response. You panic if the other person takes two hours to respond. This isn't romantic interest you're projecting, it's disguised anxiety.

The ideal mindset to find love? It's when you're curious without being desperate. When you can say "I love your smile" without it coming from an inner void. It's complimenting because you really feel something, not because you're seeking validation.

Imagine building a relationship like a garden. If you water out of desperation, you'll drown the plants. If you water with care and patience, you create something lasting. Your current mindset is the water you use.

2. Does your mindset reveal interest or control?

Let's be honest: analyzing someone's profile is normal. But when you find yourself digging into every detail like a private detective, ask yourself a question: does your current mindset come from healthy curiosity or the need to control?

The control mindset is the one that bombards with questions. "You said you love traveling, where exactly did you go? When? With whom? For how long?" This isn't a conversation, it's an interrogation. And it always comes from a fear-based mindset: fear of being disappointed, fear of being wrong, fear of wasting time.

The ideal mindset to find love here? Trust. Not blind trust, but trust that you'll recognize the right person by letting things reveal themselves naturally. Ask open questions that invite sharing, not closed questions that verify.

When your mindset is healthy, you don't need to know everything immediately. You understand that mystery is part of the charm of encounters. You know that if this person is authentic, their consistency will reveal itself through exchanges without you having to play FBI.

3. Authenticity: when your mindset aligns with who you really are

Here's the killer question: what mindset are you in when you create your profile? Do you ask yourself "Who am I really?" or "Who should I pretend to be to please?"

If your current mindset is "I must please everyone", you'll automatically create a fake you. "I love hiking!" when you hate it. "I'm super sociable!" when you prefer quiet evenings. And guess what? This mindset will influence the entire evolution of your future relationship.

Why? Because a relationship built on a lie cannot evolve healthily. You'll have to keep playing a role. The other person will fall in love with a version that doesn't exist. And one day, the mask will fall.

The ideal mindset to find true love? It's when you tell yourself: "I'm going to show who I am, really. And if this person doesn't like it, too bad. Because I want someone who loves me for what I am, not for what I pretend to be."

Think about it: if you collect vintage figurines, if you watch documentaries about ants, if you hate loud parties... someone, somewhere, will find that absolutely charming. But that person will never find you if you hide who you are. Your current mindset must be: "I fully own who I am."

4. The abundance mindset VS the scarcity mindset

There are two possible mindsets in online dating: the scarcity mindset ("This person is my last chance, I absolutely must keep them") and the abundance mindset ("If it doesn't work with this person, there will be others").

Guess which one systematically kills relationships? The scarcity mindset. Because it pushes you to rush everything. To propose a date on the third message. To want to define the relationship after a week. To become possessive before even being together.

The ideal mindset to find love is the abundance mindset. Not because you're arrogant or think you're superior. But because you understand a fundamental truth: if you're aligned with yourself, authentic, and in the right mindset, the right people will come naturally.

This mindset allows you to be patient. To let the relationship build message by message, laugh by laugh, confidence by confidence. You're not running after something you're missing. You're creating something new with someone interesting.

Our era has conditioned us to speed: instant delivery, streaming series, immediate responses. But love? You can't order it on Amazon. It's cultivated, tamed, discovered. When your mindset accepts this, you stop rushing steps and start savoring the journey.